Hands
by JessCM09
Summary: You didn't know she could pull you out of the darkness so easily. You didn't know that the simple feeling of her hand in yours had the power to bring you back to the present; to make you feel like everything would be okay. A one-shot about my favourite pair during Penelope.


**So apparently when you watch a ton of old episodes in a short period of times you get random bits of inspiration. This one just kept popping up so I decided to go with it! Hope you enjoy it! I promise I will get back to my stories soon! –J**

 **Hands**

It's the feeling of a hand slipping into hers that makes JJ look up; that pulls her out of the dark corners of her mind where she had been worrying about her best friend. Not ready to speak, JJ had simply given the hand a squeeze, her own eyes stinging with tears as she looked into the deep brown eyes of Emily Prentiss.

Though she hadn't known Emily for nearly as long as she had known Penelope Garcia, JJ was quick to accept Emily into their group; easily considering the brunette one of her best friends as they began to spend time together outside of work. The news that Penelope had been shot had sent a crippling fear through JJ, as she was unable to imagine her life without the bubbly, blonde in it, this fear not dissipating until Emily had eventually grabbed her by the hand.

"Jayje," Emily startled the blonde from her thoughts, nodding towards the doctor who was heading their way.

Needing to know about Garcia, JJ had released Emily's hand as she quickly rose to her feet, grateful when Emily took the place next to her as she already missed the feeling of their hands intertwined; her own hands now shaking without Emily's to steady them. Though she was struggling to focus, JJ was finally able to release the breath she wasn't aware she had been holding when the doctor finally informed them that Penelope would make a full recovery.

"Can we see her?" JJ heard herself ask, trying and failing to hide the fact that her voice was shaking.

"She needs her rest, but you should be able to see her shortly," the Doctor replied. "Just try to remember that she's recovering. She may not remember what happened and trying to remember may be difficult. Your friend is very lucky," he said. "I'll have someone come get you when you can see her."

Watching the Doctor leave, JJ found herself unable to turn away from the older man's retreating back, barely registering what her teammates were saying as Rossi and Hotch discussed going to Garcia's apartment while the rest of them waited until they could speak with the technical analyst. JJ was still in a trance when Emily leaned closer.

"Jen," Emily whispered, not wanting to draw the attention of Reid and Morgan who were back to pacing the hallway. "She's okay," she tried to reassure her, not quite succeeding until she once again slipped her hand into the blonde's. "It'll be okay."

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When they found out the attack wasn't random and that Garcia had known the man who had shot her; had gone on a date with him even, JJ felt both angry and fearful, though she reassured Garcia that everything would be okay. It had been difficult to focus, or even leave her friend's side but JJ had eventually returned to the office with Emily, both given instructions from Hotch to find what they could on their suspect.

Wishing she could be at the hospital with Penelope, JJ had eventually lost herself in thought, Emily looking up to find the blonde staring off at the wall rather than the files in front of her.

"Jayje," Emily placed her hand over JJ's. "Are you okay?" She asked gently.

"I…" JJ opened her mouth to answer, losing the words in her throat as she shook her head, tears stinging her eyes. "It's different isn't it?" She eventually spoke, receiving a confused look from Emily in return. "We see awful things every single day. We deal with people killing innocent people and we comfort their families and we catch the people who do all these awful things but this...this is different. I just…I can't separate myself from this," she sighed. "Garcia… _Penelope_ is one of the greatest people I have ever met and I don't understand how someone could do this to her."

"I know it's hard Jen," Emily nodded, understanding how hard this was on the media liaison, who had been friends with Garcia longer than she had. "I hate seeing Garcia like this too. But we are going to find this guy. We will make sure he pays for this."

"I'm just so angry and I'm so…I'm scared," JJ admitted, looking up at Emily with wide blue eyes, making the brunette wish she could solve all her problems. "Seeing Garcia like that today...in the hospital…I don't ever want to see her like that again."

"I know," Emily agreed, grabbing JJ's hand with her other hand as well so she was holding JJ's hand with both of hers. "Garcia is just such a bright light in life," she smiled, happy to see JJ finally crack a smile. "No one wants to see someone like her hurt, and we're going to do everything we can to make sure that it never happens again," she continued. "I understand why you're angry. I'm angry too; we're all angry. But you don't need to be scared Jen. You don't need to be scared because we're not going to let anything else happen to Garcia and we will find him," she looked into those blue eyes again. "Okay?"

"Okay," JJ smiled, once again enjoying the comfort of having her hand surrounded by Emily's. "Thanks Em."

"Of course," Emily grinned, waiting a moment before finally letting go of the blonde's hands. "Now what do we say we catch this guy?"

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 _You do what you have to do to protect your family_. She didn't even blink when she pulled the trigger and shot Baylor. She had never shot someone before; had never killed another living being, but when it came down to it, she never even gave it a second thought before ending the man's life.

She could see Garcia's concern for her as soon as they got the chance to see each other, but she was quick to assure her friend that she was okay; that she was simply glad that she was safe now. She acted as if the fact that she shot someone didn't bother her, giving her statement and chatting with her teammates until she felt utterly exhausted; retreating to her office in hopes of hiding out until her hands stopped shaking enough to drive home.

"Jen?" Emily knocked at JJ's office door 10 minutes after she had taken refuge there. "Is it okay if I come in?" She opened the door a crack, only sticking her head in the office.

"Yeah. Yeah of course Em," JJ nodded, forcing a smile on her face. "Come on in."

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you down there," Emily gestured to the bullpen, leaving out the fact that she could tell that JJ had been avoiding her. "I just wanted to see if you were…"

"I'm fine," JJ interrupted before Emily could continue, shaking her head and shrugging in a way that indicated she wasn't really sure of what she was saying. "I shot a man who tried to kill one of my best friends. I'm not going to feel bad about it."

"You don't have to feel bad about it," Emily shook her head, closing the office door behind her before taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of JJ's desk. "No one expects you to feel guilty, but it's okay to be affected by it. Killing someone…no matter who it is…it affects everyone."

"Even you?" JJ raised an eyebrow, unable to imagine anyone asking Emily if she was okay the way they were all worrying about her now.

"Do you remember when you asked me why none of it got to me? That day…with the Henkel case?" Emily asked, remembering the day she found JJ completely panicked in the bathroom after they had lost Reid. "I told you I compartmentalize better than others. Do you remember?" She asked, waiting until the blonde nodded before continuing. "I don't…I don't think it's necessarily a good thing; my ability to compartmentalize I mean," she clarified. "I think sometimes…most times really, it's better to feel what you're feeling, not to shut everything up inside."

"Is that what you would do? If you were me?" JJ asked, the look in her eyes indicating she really wanted to know, not simply asking to challenge the brunette.

"It's something I really struggle with," Emily admitted. "But I don't know," she shrugged. "I used to compartmentalize because I never truly felt like I had anyone to talk to. I don't…I don't think that's true now," she said, feeling her cheeks reddening as she avoiding meeting JJ's gaze for a moment. "If you…If you want to talk about it I'm always here…no judgment."

"I really appreciate that Em," JJ replied, genuinely smiling at the gesture. "I really do. I just don't feel like I need to talk about it. Really. I'm fine."

"Okay," Emily nodded, trying not to sound disappointed. "Can I just…can I say one more thing? Then I promise I'll leave you alone?"

"Of course," JJ agreed, folding her hands together on top of her desk, her posture, stiff, unable to really relax.

"The first time I killed someone," Emily couldn't resist the urge to reach out for JJ's hands, leaning forward in her chair so she could place her hands over the blonde's. "The first time I shot someone I told everyone I was okay. I didn't talk about it, I didn't even really feel anything, I just went about my life like nothing had happened," she explained. "But at night…without the light of day it was hard to hide from the truth. I know you say you're fine now but just…just promise me that if that changes, you'll come to me. Can you do that? Please?"

"I promise," JJ nodded, turning her hand over so she could give the brunette's hand a squeeze before they pulled apart. "Thanks Em."

"Of course," Emily smiled, standing back up and heading for the door, needing to create some physical space since she seemed unable to resist the feeling of JJ's hands in hers. "I'm around. Whenever you need me."

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It was late by the time Emily sat down to relax that night. By the time she had gotten home, ate dinner and showered, she knew she should probably go to sleep, but was still feeling wide awake as she grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch, deciding a little TV before bed would likely help distract her from the thoughts swimming through her mind.

Settling on some mindless reality show, Emily leaned back against the couch, her eyes eventually beginning to feel heavy before a knock on her condo door startled her back awake. Glancing at the clock, Emily was unsure who would be visiting after midnight, keeping her steps quiet as she made her way to the door so she could look out the peephole.

Peering out, Emily didn't immediately notice anyone outside, until familiar blonde hair came into view.

"Jen?" Emily opened up the door, gasping when she caught sight of the media liaison's tear streaked face. "Oh Jen," she opened up her arms, closing the door with her foot as soon as the blonde fell into her embrace.

"I…I just…and…I can't…" JJ tried to speak through the tears, unable to form anything coherent between sobs.

"Shhhh," Emily soothed, rubbing JJ's back. "It's okay. You're okay," she told her. "It's okay Jen. I know. Come on. Let's go sit down," she said, keeping her arms wrapped around the blonde as she moved them towards the couch so they could sit, though JJ still clung to the brunette as if her life depended on it. "Just try to take a couple deep breaths Jen. You're okay. It's okay. You just let it out."

Unable to speak, JJ simply continued to cry, clutching Emily's shirt tightly as her tears continued to soak the brunette's shoulder. Knowing, JJ simply needed to cry it out, Emily remained silent, running her fingers through the blonde's hair, giving comfort the only way she knew how at the moment.

"I…I killed him," JJ said when she was finally able to speak, her tears still falling down her cheeks, but the sobs subsiding. "I killed a man. I killed a man and I thought I was okay with it, but I got home and the silence was just…I couldn't stop…I killed him."

"You didn't have any other choice Jen," Emily rubbed the younger woman's back. "You didn't have a choice. You did what you had to do. It was the only way."

"I…I know that…deep down I know but…" JJ's eyes were still filled with tears. "I'm not sure how to…I don't know how to deal with that."

"Well," Emily sighed, still playing with the blonde's hair. "You have to just try to remember that what you did was to protect other people. You need to remember what you told Garcia," she said, tucking some stray hair behind JJ's ear. "You do what you have to do to protect your family. You're strong Jen," she reached down for the hand, which her own hand seemed drawn to lately. "You'll get through this. Just try and remember you were just doing your job."

Remaining silent, JJ's eyes were drawn to her and Emily's joined hands; to the feeling of comfort she seemed to only receive from this specific gesture lately.

"What are you thinking about?" Emily asked in a whisper, unable to take the silence any longer.

"Your hands," JJ admitted, looking up to find Emily watching her with an eyebrow raised.

"My hands?" Emily simply had to ask.

"These last few days they've…they've been really hard," JJ tried to explain. "When Garcia was shot…I don't think I've ever been so scared. I was so scared and then…and then you took my hand," she felt her cheeks blush as she stared into brown eyes. "It seems like you've been pulling me out of a very dark place these last couple days and I'm not sure what I would have done without you."

"Well I'm glad that I've been able to help," Emily's voice was barely above a whisper, rubbing the back of JJ's hand with her thumb.

"I never knew," JJ shook her head as she tried to find the words to describe what she was feeling. "I just never knew that holding someone's hand could make me feel so…safe," she met Emily's gaze again. "Sometimes I wish…Sometimes I wish I never had to let go."

"Jen if you don't want me to let go all you have to do is ask," Emily told her, the look on her face letting JJ know she was serious as the pair seemed to be drawn together like magnets.

"Em?" JJ leaned her forehead against the brunette's, the close proximity making her brave.

"Yeah Jayje," Emily replied.

"Please don't let go," JJ said before leaning in and joining their lips together, relieved when she felt Emily immediately respond, glad she had read the signals correctly.

"Jennifer," Emily was breathless when they finally pulled apart, their hands still squeezed tightly together. "Are you…Is this…are we really doing this?"

"I'd like to," JJ replied, kissing the brunette's cheek. "You make me feel safe. I'm happier when you're around," she continued. "I want this. I want you," she looked down at their hands. "Is this…do you…"

Emily cut her off with another kiss, a kiss, which was short but sweet. "Yes," she said when she pulled away, a big smile on her face. "Yes Jennifer. This," she lifted their hands, placing a kiss on the back of the blonde's hand. "This is exactly what I want."


End file.
